


Comfort

by BalloonBalls



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Corpses, Graphic Description of Corpses, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, everyone's kinda dead so uhhh, this is just very sad im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 21:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15566448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BalloonBalls/pseuds/BalloonBalls
Summary: Satan is unable to cope with his actions, so he uses Akira as a source of comfort. Even if he's not really there, there's something comforting to him about talking to Akira's corpse about his thoughts and feelings.





	Comfort

_Love does not exist. There is no such thing as love, therefore there is no sadness. That's what I thought._

Satan had felt pain before. He had experienced punches, pushes, broken bones, scrapes, bruises, and much more. It was all painful, yes, but something about the pain he was feeling now was different. The pain he felt in the past stung or ached, but nothing more. It was never that much of an inconvenience, and it would only detour him from his goals for short periods of time. He could see the cause of his pain, touch it, acknowledge it. He knew it was there and he knew how to get rid of it. However, this time it was different. 

This pain was unimaginable, debilitating, and excruciating. It was something tight inside his chest that kept squeezing his heart until it felt like it'd burst. At it's worst he'd feel the urge to get up and move, something inside of him was telling him to. He wouldn't be able to steady his hands no matter how hard he tried, he wouldn't be able to slow his breathing, and he wouldn't be able to control himself. This pain, at it's worst, was so foreign and overwhelming that he just wanted it to stop.  

It wouldn't stop, it was relentless. It felt as if this painful feeling had a mind of it's own, and a vendetta against Satan. He didn't know how to stop the aching feeling in his body, he'd never experienced it before. He knew what was causing this pain, and it was his own damn fault. What's done is done, there's no taking back his actions now, but this is something he cannot handle. He's selfish, so so selfish. Satan knew this, but it's too late to change now. It's too late to take back everything he did, to apologize, to get rid of this aching feeling inside of him. 

Would he have to live with this forever? Why now of all times did these feelings have to make themselves known, why when it was too late? Was this the punishment of God for destroying his creations? Devilmen are powerful creatures, the powers of demons and the hearts of man. How could something with the heart of a man be powerful, when hearts like these can suffer such insufferable feelings? 

Humans may be weak creatures, but they were so interesting. They could feel a whole different type of pain that was far more excruciating than any other pain that could ever be felt by pure creatures. However, they were also at the top of the food chain because of this level of thinking and feeling. With great upsides came great downsides, apparently. The humans loved this aspect about themselves though, they loved to feel things so much that they'd openly search for it forever until they found it. Satan never understood that until now.

The aching feeling inside of him, he knew it had a name. Love, the humans called it. The most desired feeling that humans can obtain. Maybe they wanted it for the sake of power, since it can be used as an almighty weapon against another. Maybe they wanted it for the sake of comfort, companionship. They are social creatures after all, and if they love someone they cannot abandon them no matter what. It was something Satan could never understand, why openly put yourself out there for pain? Was it a high risk high reward type of thing? He could never wrap his head around it. Not until now. 

Satan did not realize the feeling could strike anyone, unbeknownst to them. It never really made itself known inside of his heart, but it was there all this time. It grew and grew over time, like a parasite silently feasting on his body and mind to get stronger. By the time he became aware of these feelings, it was too late to stop them and they took over him completely. 

It was pain, but it was also pleasure. Looking at Akira, he was filled with so many good feelings and memories, but also terrible ones. He was filled with happiness, and sorrow. He had been happy before when he had done superficial things, but it was a superficial happiness. This happiness was different, it was deep rooted and powerful. The sorrow inside of him was the same though, deep rooted. Maybe that is why the humans sought out such a terrible thing. Almost like it was a drug to them. It destroyed their body and mind, but they couldn't live without it. 

He did not know why human emotions got a hold of him, nor did he know how. He couldn't say he hated it though, it made him too happy. Could he ever be that happy again though? He wasn't completely in tune with his new human emotions, he still lacked a lot of feelings that normal humans have. Could he himself be considered human because he had human emotions? What makes humans humans? Is it the physical characteristics or the emotional bonds that they have with others? That doesn't really matter now, does it? 

He knew there was no point in looking back now, he couldn't undo the mistakes he had made. He mercilessly caused the slaughter of these intelligent creatures, and they will never come back. In a way, that species adopted him as one of their own and he just turned his back on them. The thought of that made him feel kind of sad. He cannot say he loved the species, but he knows now that it is quite a shame that the species is gone. 

Satan could not say he did not love any particular human though. There was just one, one that he did love more than anyone or anything else on this desolate planet. It was kind of laughable, the humans counter attacked by giving him someone to love and then ripping them away from him. Like giving a baby a lollipop then ripping it away from them. That human, that boy, is the most powerful weapon to defeat the most powerful demon of them all. It worked too, but it worked just a little too late. Now he was stuck with the consequences all alone. 

Satan wasn't sure of how long he had been sitting there all alone on that rocky island, the concept of time was practically just a far off memory now. All he could comprehend or grasp was pain, everything just felt painful. Why did that happiness from before have to die along side everything else? Why was he too late? Satan shook his head, trying to physically shake away the terrible thoughts inside his mind. It never worked.

He looked over at the sad excuse of a corpse next to him, Akira was still there. He couldn't leave Akira's side no matter what, that's what he told himself. It was like he was trying to make up for his terrible actions by trying to stand beside a human and be there for them, but that was idiotic of him. The corpse had an absolutely foul stench, and rigor mortis had already passed by now. The body of Akira was starting to decompose, but Ryo would stand by him until he became nothing but bones. Maybe even longer than that. 

Maybe the body comforted him in some sick way. He talked to him, cried on his skin, and apologized to him. Ryo dared not to to hold him though, he didn't deserve to. He treated the corpse like it still held the soul of the lost Akira, even though he knew that Akira was long gone. Maybe if he apologized enough to the body, the soul would hear and forgive him. He just wanted to hear Akira's voice one last time, he wanted him to just hear what he was saying. He wanted him to forgive all the terrible things he had done, even if he didn't deserve it. 

"Akira...I don't know if I ever told you this, but I really enjoy your company. You always made me feel happy, even if I didn't realize it. You realized before I did that I was crying, but did you know I was smiling too?" Satan rambled, running his fingers through the soft strands of Akira's hair. When he pulled his fingers out of the locks, chunks of hair were laced around his fingers and dropping to the rocky ground. Akira was disappearing, slowly but surely. Satan was watching it happen right before him with his own eyes. 

"I wish you'd answer me, I want you to explain something about humans to me. Did you feel these feelings too when you were alive? They're quite painful, so I apologize if you had to deal with a pain like this. However, it also makes me happy too, and I don't think I'd give it up. It brings me closer to you, so I don't...mind...," Satan muttered, his voice starting to crack. He could feel a scratchy feeling in his throat and tears starting to fill in his eyes again. He was used to this by now, every time he started to speak this would happen. He wasn't ashamed of it, but he still hated it. 

"Akira...I want you to know that I'm so sorry. I am really no better than God for wiping out an entire species because I disliked it, but I'm the only one suffering the consequences. Maybe I'm God's consequence since I wiped out his favorite species, and maybe you're my consequence. Maybe taking on the most powerful human emotion is my consequence. I was a fool for believing that I was doing the right thing. I already knew that humans could be worthy creatures once I started to spend time with you, but I...I was too stubborn. Forgive me, Akira," Satan cried, his tears dripping onto Akira's shoulder.

"I could have loved you forever, Akira. I could have given you all the love in my heart, and you could have loved me back. That can't happen anymore though, all because I was so foolish. Did you love me too, Akira? Did you love me all this time, but with no pay off? Is this what you felt back then? I'm sorry, Akira, I'm sorry I put you through this. I killed your friends and family, but you still stood by me. I'm so sorry, Akira," Satan whined, reaching down and holding Akira's hand in his. It was limp and cold, the skin rough and blistered.

"I don't want to be alone, Akira. You showed me what it's like to truly appreciate someone's company, to truly care for someone else. Please come back to me, Akira. I'm so sorry," Satan sobbed. He laid down, curling into a fetal position next to the corpse. When he felt this terrible, he'd hold himself and pretend that it was Akira holding him. He was becoming quite the pathetic shell of himself. He has so much power inside of him, hell he wiped out an entire species. However, he was so weak now. He was riddled with human emotions that tore him apart inside, burning the organs in his body. It felt like he swallowed blades or maybe even flames.

At this point, he would accept anyone's pity if it meant he could right his wrongs. The shame didn't even matter to him anymore, he was suffering so much that he would do anything to make it go away. If someone, maybe even God, were to take pity on him and help him, he could start all over again and fix everything. If there was a way to go back in time he would do it just to see Akira's stomach inflate and deflate when he breathed. Maybe the icy God that he loathed would just put him out of his misery, he wouldn't mind that. Would Akira be upset if that were to happen? If Akira could see him right now, would he cry for him? 

Satan pushed himself up once again with his arms, tears stained on his cheeks. For someone who was so used to being despised, he was having an extremely difficult time with the loneliness he felt. Akira was the only thing he could ever think about anymore, he was just torturing himself. What happened to his happiness? Why did things have to be this way? Would it be better if God just wiped everything on this planet and started anew, killing Satan in the process? Maybe death would be best for him, it's either that or suffering eternally. 

He stared out into the red sea that surround the rocks that were large enough to be tiny islands. It was all that remained of the earth at this point, just rocks and red sea. It looked so...dreary. In a way, it reflected the state of his own heart. He caused this, all of this happened because of him. He caused the end of the damn world. "You know, Akira, it's somewhat funny. The sea, the sky, and the moon all look the same but with a different coat of paint. The colors now reflect the state of the world, bleak and dreary. It really is quite the sight to see, here let me show you," Satan rambled. 

He grabbed Akira's wrist and pulled the weak corpse up very slowly to avoid ripping off a limb. Once the corpse was upright, he placed his hand gently on the back to hold it up. "You see? Isn't it fascinating?" Satan sighed, his eyes fixated to the sea. He never liked looking at Akira's corpse, because it would remind him that he was most definitely dead. Satan couldn't even bring himself to close Akira's eyes. 

Something suddenly caught his attention in the distance. It was a bright light, but he had to squint just to be able to see it. "What is that...?" Satan questioned, not really anticipating an answer. He gently laid Akira back onto the ground once again, then looked back at the bright light. It was falling from the sky and onto the ground, landing on a tiny island. The island then started to erupt and explode like a volcano, and in minutes it was nothing but rocks falling into the red sea.

He looked up to the sky, and found the source of the bright light. Orbs, there were orbs in the sky that looked oh so familiar. He knew what this meant, this really was the end. He destroyed the earth beyond repair so God is getting rid of it for good and starting all over again. God was hitting the reset button. Orbs rained down from the sky, and the ground beneath him started to shake.

Why did God choose now of all times to start the reset process? Is it because he enjoyed watching Satan writhing around in pain? Was it because he wanted him to suffer for as long as he could bare to watch it? God really was a sick creature, but he didn't know that he was this sick in the head. This really was the end, wasn't it? Satan didn't panic, he couldn't. "Akira, do you see this? I'll die. I'm going to die, but then that means...I'll get to be with you again," Satan explained, his voice sounding a little joyful. Joy. He felt joy right now, he felt happy again. He was excited, not to die but to be with Akira again. 

Death did not strike fear into his heart, it never had. He was just going to a different plane of existence is all, he knew he wouldn't disappear. Still, he knew he was going to the same place Akira was at right now. He wouldn't have to be alone anymore, and now that he knew that, he couldn't be anymore joyful. Death is not an end to him, but a new beginning. A new era in his life where he gets to be happy with the person he cared about most. He'll be with Akira soon, he knew.

Satan grabbed Akira's wrist once again, pulling him close and finally holding him in his arms for the first time since his death. It may be the last time he'll ever physically get the chance to. "Akira, I'll protect you no matter the cost. We'll be together again soon Akira, I'll be there so just hold on," Satan soothed, using his wings to shield Akira's back from anything that could damage the corpse. 

He wasn't sure what awaited him in death, or maybe he wouldn't die at all. Maybe time will rewind or loop so he'll have another chance at life with Akira. Maybe he'll go to a different place when he dies, maybe this really is the end for him. Dying didn't scare him, it only meant he would have a chance at being reunited with the one he loved more than anything. Knowing that, he gleefully would accept his death. 

"I love you, Akira," Satan whispered, holding onto Akira as tight as he could. For the first time in a while, he smiled on the inside and out. He couldn't say goodbye because something inside of him was telling him this wouldn't be the end. There was no way it could be the end, he still had to apologize to Akira and to really tell him how much he loved him. 

He closed his eyes, his face buried in Akira's corpse's hair. He wanted to be enveloped in Akira's physical body, he wanted it to be the last thing he would feel before he died. Even though it was kind of revolting, holding a corpse in his arms and keeping it so close to him. It didn't matter now though because this was the end of their physical existence.The ground beneath him started to shake, and he instinctively squeezed Akira tighter. Satan wasn't sure how much time he had left on this earth, but it was passing by so slowly. So he just waited and waited until everything started to fade away.

_Love does exist. There is such a thing as love, therefore there is sorrow but there is also joy. That's what I know._


End file.
